hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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