forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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