Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
