we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
3 2 1 whiskey
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
