We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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