did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
