I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
