it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
