Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
