I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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