Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
