she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
