Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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