She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
