Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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