So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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