We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
