its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
