I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
