STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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