It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
