Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
