not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
