did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My legs feel like baby dolphins
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
