There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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