That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
