This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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