I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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