its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
