all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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