I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
last night I used snow as a chaser
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
