it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
