it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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