At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
