I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Still dying that you shit outside
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
