I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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