sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
