Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
