Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
