no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
