i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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