I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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