she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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