You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
