Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
