Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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