I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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