Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.

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(559): View more from California

I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"

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(910): View more from North Carolina

he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship

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(906): View more from Michigan

3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.

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(217): View more from Illinois

If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..

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(941): View more from Florida

Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee

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(443): View more from Maryland

First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh

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