Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
