Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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