anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
