i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
