her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
