1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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