Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
