Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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