You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
