I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
