I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
