he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
