Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
