What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
