the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
