I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
