Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
