gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
