Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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