Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
